Chuck Vs Himself

Chapter 1

It had been six weeks since she left him. Six long weeks since their last moments on the beach where he sat with her for hours watching the sun rise behind them, lighting up the sky and telling her their story. Where he confessed Morgan's idea of a magical kiss healing everything that was wrong and could fix everything between them. She had conceded to the idea, asking him to kiss her though he could tell by her expression that she didn't expect a magical recovery at all. He didn't either, as much as he hoped and believed in the magical unorthodox world, He was well aware it was too much to ask.

It was sweet and beautiful, and he could feel all his emotions for her pour in though that kiss. Her lips were soft and confident and felt ever familiar and everything inside of him prayed that she felt it too. It felt like it lasted for hours, his mind spinning on everything that was her but in reality, probably only a few minutes before it ended.

The kiss was so intense, causing emotions to stir inside him that he had been trying to suppress during the weeks she had been gone. By the expression on her face, he could tell that she was confused and overwhelmed by the experiment and a small glimmer of hope coursed through his body. Chuck pulled back from her slowly, his heart feeling heavy as he watched the tears start to stream down her face. His heart ached at them and reached over gently to wipe them away only to have her turn her head away from him.

Chuck lowered his outstretched arm and dropped it onto his lap as he watched her, waiting. It was always a waiting game with Sarah. He knew it, and he accepted it. Even the Sarah that had married him, who had learned to love him and show it in return was still impatient and annoyed when her emotions were outside her control. But Chuck had nothing but infinite patience when it came to the people that he loved.

"Sarah…" He said softly a few minutes later, not wanting to startle her, but not really sure of being able to speak in the first place. Sarah looked up suddenly at the sound of his voice as if he had yelled it and Chuck grimaced at her expression. He watched as she stared at the ocean furiously wiping the tears from her face.

"I...I have to go. I'm sorry." She said quickly getting up from her spot on the sand without saying anything else. Chuck looked up at her and stood as well in alarm, his mind panicking, becoming confused and not knowing what was happening or where she was going.

"Sarah, please! Don't leave." He pleaded after her retreating form. "Don't leave me! I LOVE YOU!" he shouted. Sarah walked quickly and determinedly further away from him, heading towards her car. She hadn't seemed to have heard his cries as she entered her car and drove quickly away without a second glance.

His heart felt heavy and pained as Chuck collapsed onto his knees sobbing. He doubled over placing his face in his hands upon the warming sand. His heart felt like it was being ripped apart, shattering into a billion pieces in his chest causing his breathe to become labored and pained.

Yet another person has left him. Another person who he had trusted and gave everything of himself to had abandoned him. Not just any one this time though. It was the love of his life, the person he loved more than anything else in the world. The woman he had waited years for and would have waited longer if he had had to. His wife.

The pain radiating through him was too intense, as he collapsed onto the sand, sobbing his pain out into the world, wishing the ocean would rise and drift him out to sea and end his suffering. Chuck didn't know how long he had lain in the sand like that. He couldn't feel if the sand warmed up around him or cooled off as the sun set once again. It could have been minutes, or hours, or even days for all he knew. Everything was just dull, and he was numb as he cried the last tears he could force from his wary eyes.

He had no idea how he had gotten home after that. All Chuck remembered was waking up in his own bed at some point. He had looked around his room confused for a second, seeing Morgan asleep in the chair by the closet with his feet reclined on the edge of the bed. Chuck made no move to wake him, no move to signal anyone as he lay back down against his pillows at let the numbing ach take over him again as he fought to not think of her smell that surrounded him.

Time seemed irrelevant anymore to him after that. It didn't matter the time of day or day of the week. Yet again his life seemed to have fallen apart in ruins and this time he knew he wouldn't be able to pick up the pieces.

"Guys, we really need to do something. He's falling apart, fast." Ellie said desperately at the congregation of friends and family in the courtyard. Everyone nodded in agreement, well aware of what is needed to be done but not quite sure on how to go about it.

The group stood in silence, glancing at one another, waiting for someone to bring up some kind of answer or idea, but none came forth. Ellie worried her lip and crossed her arms over her chest annoyed more at herself than the others that she couldn't come up with a plan. She always had a plan, and if she didn't, she easily came up with one. It was a trait that had saved Chuck and herself many times since their parents left. Right now, though she was at a loss.

"Are you sure it's safe to leave Clara with him?" Alex asked her concerned. They all turned to glance in the window of the apartment to see Chuck inside. He was in the same position they had left him in 10 minutes previous, lying on his side on the couch curled up in as tight a ball as possible staring into space. Clara, his almost year-old niece was laying on top of him with her arms around his neck and her head against his sleeping peacefully. If the current situation weren't so dyer, it would have been one of the cutest things ever.

"She's fine." Ellie responded. "But what are we going to do about Chuck?" Ellie asked impatiently. Again, nothing but silence. "Seriously, am I the only one who cares here? My brother is dying!"

"Babe, we get it, we know. You need to calm down." Devon soothed her, calmly coming up to his wife. Ellie just glared at him giving him a 'don't touch me look' as he reached out to embrace her. Mary stepped quickly in between Ellie and her husband to quail any potential trouble. Ellie shot an annoyed glare at her mother for her interference before turning away from the group to look through the window again.

"Honey, I know you're upset, we all do, and we are very concerned about Chuck as well. We just don't know what to do for him." Mary stated. "Maybe if we get him active again. Get him out in the field or do some analysis work it'll give him some sense of normalcy. I'll give a call to Diane and see if there's-"

"What? NO! Mother that's not what I meant." Ellie interrupted, turning quickly to tower over her mother angrily. "Going on a mission is not an option. If anything, the CIA will see it as a good excuse to get rid of that stupid Intersect once and for all." Ellie shouted.

"And why not Eleanor? That could be what gets Chuck back on focus. It's what he does, it's who he is." Mary argued back.

Morgan raised his hand hesitantly behind them catching Ellies eye for a second before she tilted her chin indicating he could speak. "I'm sorry, Ellie, uh…Mrs. B, While I completely agree with Ellie-"

"Of course you do" Alex mumbled quietly.

"Mrs. B. May be onto something to." He finished.

Ellie took a deep breath and let it out slowly counting to ten, thinking that perhaps getting everyone involved in helping Chuck was a bad idea.

"Sending him out there to do whatever it is spies do in his current frame of mind would probably just get him killed. Is that what you want mother?" She bit out harshly.

"Of course not Ellie, but this attitude is exact evidence that you have no idea how spies operate." Mary countered.

"I don't care how spies operate mother, I care about Chuck and how he operates. Sending him out there will just get him hurt, or worst, killed. And I will not let that happen."

"He will not be killed Eleanor. He has the Intersect, Chuck is a very important government asset." Mary argued.

"And that's the problem mother, they see him as an asset not a person!"

"ENOUGH!" Everyone jumped slightly at the shout coming from the smallest of the group, one Morgan Grimes. They all stared at him wide eyed, surprised he had the gall to get in between the two strong volatile women. Morgan may be semi obnoxious, chaotic, and loud at times, but he is one to never shout. Morgan just shook his head in disgust standing on the edge of the fountain placing him above all the other’s heads.

"That is my best friend in there, and he is hurting and this arguing on how to help him isn't actually helping him!" Ellie clenched her jaw as she watched him look over at each of them as his words sunk in. "Mrs. B. I know you mean well, but I agree with Ellie. Chuck is in no condition to go on any mission. Especially since the Intersect is probably not working." Mary just huffed and turned away from him to look at Ellie again.

"Morgan you were just agreeing with Mary!" Alex pointed out.

"I know you mean well Morgan dear but you siding with Ellie is not exactly a surprise with your little crush." She said.

"Now wait a minute." Alex started to cut in only to be stopped by Morgan putting his hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"That was uncalled for mother. Just, forget it. I'll help him myself." Ellie huffed out and turned back to go enter Chuck's, now her and Devon's as well apartment. She was tempted to slam the door shut to emphasize how angry she was but decided it wouldn't be best to startle Chuck and Clara.

She plopped down into the big comfy chair next to the couch and stared at her brother and daughter. Clara was fast asleep still atop her uncle while Chuck just laid there staring straight, not seeing anything. Ellie was tempted to turn off the TV to get some silence, her mind racing and jumbled over everything, but she decided against it. She was actually hoping that while he wasn't watching the screen in front of him her brother was at least listening to it. That he was somewhat aware of his surroundings and not just lost in his own world like she feared the most.

Looking at the screen she watched as Ariel swam around the see with her little friend Flounder, singing songs and getting into mischief. The film, The Little Mermaid was Clara's current favorite Disney movie and as much as it annoyed Ellie to no end, it was on a constant loop playing multiple times throughout the day. It kept Clara entertained and quiet and she loved to sit on or with her uncle while it played, bringing him out of his room, so Ellie couldn't fault the film too much.

Ellie rested her head against the back of the chair and curled up staring at the ceiling. For the millionth time in the past few months, she thought about how everything had gone so wrong for Chuck. Their lives together have always been trouble and marked with horrible experiences, stemmed mostly from their parents abandoning them. She had had to raise chuck since her mother walked out, even before their father left them.

Ellie had had to grow up fast with a little brother to care for. College was hard for her, harder than it should have been. She was smart and she knew it, getting full rides to both college and medical school. But she had still had Chuck in high school to deal with. Luckily, Mrs. Grimes, Morgan's mother adored Chuck, like every other adult in the world aside from their own parents apparently and had allowed him to practically live with them the last couple years of high school. It also didn't hurt that Chuck was an amazing kid to begin with. He had started off just like any other little brother, annoying and irritating. But their mother leaving had caused him to have to grow up too. He was smart, straight A student, and she knew he figured out that after their mother left that everything would be up to Ellie to take care of them.

Just as quickly as their lives changed with one less parent around, Chuck had changed from the annoying little brother to a responsible young man. Always cleaning up after himself, doing his homework without being told, he did laundry. Her favorite part was he tried to not bring Morgan around as much, though as much as she detested the little troll growing up, she couldn't be more thankful for his friendship with Chuck.

A smile played across her lips as she remembered some of the best news, she had gotten a few years later. She couldn't have been prouder of her brother then when he told her over one of their Saturday gouge fests they did that he had gotten a full ride scholarship to Stanford. She had burst into tears when he told her, and they had spent all night planning the future and what they want and dreamed of. It was one of her favorite memories. Ellie had never felt so close to her brother than at that moment, and so relieved that he had a future ahead of him and their struggles had paid off.

With Chuck off to Stanford she was finally able to feel free enough to focus on her own life, her main focus being on her schooling and raising Chuck. She had then met Devon on the first day of medical school. What was supposed to be a fling or two in a supply closet turned out to become her first real relationship. Everything was going so well for her, and for Chuck.

That was until a phone call one afternoon a few years later. Chuck had gotten kicked out of school. She was horrified. She couldn't believe it. They had accused him of stealing tests and expelled him without so much as an investigation. She didn't even have to ask if it was true, knowing it wasn't. Chuck was a great many things, but she knew without a shadow of doubt that Chuck was honest and would never steal tests. A week later after moving home she had come home from work, doing her first year of residency, to find chuck laying on the couch, much like he was now. He had gone up to Stanford to talk to Jill, his girlfriend of 3 years, to find out she was sleeping with Bryce Larkin, his best friend, who had got him kicked out of school.

She had never hated anyone so much in her life as she did Jill and Bryce.

The time after that was some of the most difficult and painful times. Watching her brother fall apart wasn't easy. She felt sick seeing him and his pain, unable to help him in any real way. She tried to be the supportive sister, but she was worried about him and always tried to get him out of his depression, going so far as to even suggest, frequently, that he seek some medical help for it. Chuck had practically wasted away, a skeleton of his old self and it scared her that she was going to lose him for good. Luckily Morgan was there for him, like he always was. She never really liked Morgan, and found him creepy and disgusting most times, but she tolerated him, a lot, because of his loyalty to Chuck.

After that time, it was up and down with Chuck. He took everything after that so hard, accepted failures and let them build, never accepting success. His promotion to Nerd Herd supervisor, while she wanted him to live up to his potential and get a better job, she was proud of him, while he just saw it as another chain added that will keep him there forever.

Eventually he met Sarah Walker, and though she came with all sorts of ups and downs and drama and depressions and pains for her brother, ultimately, they got it together and her brother was happy. Truly happy for probably the first time in his life. He had a job he loved, he had his soul mate, he wasn't lying anymore to everyone, since they all knew his secret now, and he had gotten their mother back. Even with things like Sarah being poisoned and them getting kicked out of the CIA, they were on top of the world. But now Ellie was worried that this could be the blow that finally takes her brother away.

Three weeks ago, she and Devon had decided to not go to Chicago. After Sarah had left, and Casey as well, Ellie couldn't leave him. Not in the state he was in. So, after talking to Devon, who was well aware since the beginning of their relationship all those years ago, knew that Chuck was one of under Clara now the most important people in her life, they decided to stay. They had already given their notice, so they lost their apartment, but that was fine. They just moved back in with Chuck. She didn't even think he noticed, but she was glad they did. He was bad now; she was too afraid to imagine how he would end up if they hadn't. So here they were.

"Babe." Devon said in a whisper, putting his hands on her shoulders and gently massaging them. She had jumped slightly, so lost in her own thoughts she didn't hear him enter the house again. She tipped her chin up to give him a kiss in which he reciprocated.

"Don't worry El, we'll figure it out. We won't let him fade." He said encouragingly, kissing her again. She just looked back at Chuck for a moment taking a deep breath.

"I hope so. I really do hope so."

General Diane Beckman stared at the report on her desk. It was from the highest government official possible, the President himself. With domestic terrorism on the highest level happening, he wanted the Intersect up and running as soon as possible. The report that Chuck Bartowski had once again uploaded the Intersect had been tremendous news for all agencies, and they were all eager to put him into action.

However, what none of the other agencies knew, or even cared about if Beckman was honest, was how glitchy it could be when the host was in an emotional state, and that right now, it probably was not working at all. Chuck was an emotional guy, never shying from it and not afraid to use it or show it. While she tried to keep everything professional and unattached even she, a hardened 25-year veteran of the US military, General and head of the NSA, couldn't help but be affected by Chuck Bartowski's kind nature.

The news of Sarah's departure from the damaged Intersect had erased her memories had split even her harden heart and feel for Chuck. She knew without a doubt, with Sarah gone and back at the farm at Langley getting recertified, that the Intersect in Chuck Bartowski was out of commission, and would be for a long time.

Beckman took a deep breath considering her options. Before reporting to the Chief, she would need more information on what the situation at hand was. She debated on who would be the best source, grimacing severely as she thought of Morgan Grimes. While she appreciated his enthusiasm, she found him to be a general pain in the ass. Plus, she wasn't quite sure if he'd be willing to diverge any real information to her. His loyalty to Chuck was admirable, even to the General. His sister, Ellie Woodcomb was also out of the question, knowing how protective she was of her brother, which while obnoxious the General could understand and appreciate, would not give any information if it would lead to Chuck being put back in the field. His mother was the same, even if she was a friend of hers.

Her last option was Col. John Casey. She knew he was currently out of the country with Gertrude Verbanski, a private security specialist, and that he was no longer a member of the NSA, hence why he was last, but she needed the report and she needed it soon and without as much civilian drama as possible. She took a deep breath before picking the phone and calling Casey's secure private phone number. It rang several times before he picked up.

"John Casey, how may I help you General" John Casey's gruff voice came clear over the phone.

"Colonel, I need a report on Chuck Bartowski's current state." She stated briefly, conveying authority in her voice. She heard Casey pause for a moment, probably to try on what angle she was pulling. She tried to hide the small smile that crept upon her stern face. Chuck Bartowski was certainly a special man if he could instill such loyalty in someone such as John Casey and make him hesitate to report what he knows to a General.

"As far as I know Bartowski is still in Burbank. Aside from that I have no knowledge of his current actives." He said briskly. Beckman could tell he was holding something back and tried not to roll her eyes.

"You have no knowledge of anything involving Bartowski?" She pushed. Again, silence for a moment on the other side.

"No Ma'am. I have not been in contact much with anyone there except to check on my daughter." He stated. Beckman nodded, not that he could see that. "If I may inquire General, why are you seeking information on Bartowski?" He inquired. Beckman paused for a moment herself, thinking if it would be beneficial to inform him of the situation or to give him minimal as needed information.

"The Joint Chiefs want to put the Intersect back out in the field as soon as possible."

"That is not a good idea General." Casey burst out. Beckman raised her eyebrow knowingly. Yes, she knew he was hiding something.

"And why is that Col." She heard him on the other line take a few deep breaths. She almost felt bad about pushing him for the information, but orders were orders and the President would not be denied.

"General," He started and paused again. It was silent a few moments with Casey gathering his thoughts and Beckman waiting for what she knew would be coming.

"General, Bartowski is in no condition to go out in the field. From my intel he's practically catatonic." He paused again, taking a deep breath. "Last I heard from Alex, Ellie was looking into putting him away." He stated bluntly. That surprised her a little.

"What do you mean by 'put him away?'" She inquired, knowing exactly what he meant but needing him to spell it out for her. The more solid information she had the better she'll have to attempt to shut this down.

"They're looking for a hospital to put him in." He said grudgingly, hating the feeling of betraying his friend. "He hasn't been placed yet due to his sister being particular, but it should be anytime now." That surprised her a bit. She didn't think the situation could have been that bad off.

"I see." She said simply not exactly knowing what to say to that. The silence stretched out to an almost uncomfortable level before Beckman came back to herself.

"Thank you, Col., for informing me of the situation." She stated briskly before terminating the call in her normal abrupt manner.

She looked down at the orders in front of her again, ordering her to assess the current situation of the Intersect. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, sitting back in her big chair, considering the best course of action to take.

If Chuck's sister, who Beckman knew was a competent and accomplished doctor felt that her brother would be better off in a hospital setting than at home with her and her doctor husband than the situation was far worse than she originally thought. He would be of no use to them in his current state and part of her was relieved. Chuck Bartowski had too much heart for the type of business the NSA and CIA was into, and though he was the best asset she'd ever had the misfortune to have, she knew he was better off away from any government agencies.

With her decision in mind, she brought up her computer and began typing her report. Her only hope was that they would listen and leave Bartowski out of whatever plans they wanted him for.

....to be continued....